One day at a time | dawn913's Blog

Today I woke up at 6:00 pm because my sleep schedule is so out of whack. I did manage to walk on the treadmill although I wish runners cramps would not have kicked in so I could have really burned some calories. I did not got a lot done today and I'm a result-orientated person so days where I am mind-less and lazy seem like torture.
I'm glad that I have started to write again. I have not written a lot since I left college; however, it's so theraputic that I think I'm definetly going to be writing everyday.
I think my favorite thing about writing is the ability to learn and communicate life lessons to others. I tried art therapy today and it seems worthless to me. I know it probably has some purpose, but I do not see it. I get angry when I write because I realize that my skills aren't as good as they use to be; however, for the purpose for the experience project it will do. I also like how writing helps me focus instead of feeling like floating and groundless.
I read Boundaries today by John Townstead. It really helps to concrete those ideas in my brain. I'm really proud of myself and all the progress I've made. I've come a long way since I was 18. Sometime I feel regretful because I could have achieved so much more if my father would have taken care if himself. Sometimes I wish he would have left me completely when I was child instead of sticking around. Abandonment seems so much better than being used and abuse, I guess since dwelling in the past, wishing, and dreaming what could have been isn't productive the best I can do is to keep unsafe and unhealthy people out of my life.
I think I know a few of my poeple I that would like to be my friends, but because of I have seen them lash out, use, and abuse other people I'm too afraid to let them in my life. I know no one's perfect, but right now my tolerence for anyone that shows signs of possible unsafeness is out of the question. I do not want to use my energy setting boundaries with people that have a hard time accepting them.
Ashley, one of my potential friends is really smart, go getta, and funny; however, I've seen her tear people town and humilate people. I know she's in therapy and I can tell she's extra gentle with me and I appreciate that. She's even hashed out a few of my battles, but like my friend Kate says "The best protectors are also the best abusers."
If anyone reads this I love feedback as long as it given in the spirit of truth and love. Thanks ;)